Strange Creatures at the Very Least

by James Jaeger

WARNING: if you are a fake conservative and/or you can't handle the truth peppered with fowl and harsh language, DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER.

Conservatives are strange creatures, often quite stupid and foolish. Oh, they have admirable goals and morals, but they get buried by progressives because they're usually too slow to act. They're too "conservative." By the time they make a decision to DO something -- like turn on the water -- the house has burnt to the ground.

Yes, a conservative will actually sit there for a few minutes (or hours) when a house is on fire and try to figure out how much the water bill will come to and who will pay it if they put out the fire. THIS is the essence of the conservative mentality: slow, wishy-washy, overburdened with real or pretended faith.

Now, if you're a conservative and you're getting upset, thinking I'm talking about YOU, then indeed I probably AM talking about you! So listen up asshole:

Your fucking world is on fire;

You have a bunch of Marxists trashing your Constitution;

You have a bunch or Fascists taking over your government;

You have a national debt as far as the eye can see;

You have been asleep since 1913 when a cartel of bankers took over your banking system;

You have been asleep since 1971 when the president YOU elected took over your gold supply;

You now have another socialist in the White House;

You elected a war-mongering idiot in the previous White House.

And even though these things are happening, you sit there on your ass and do little or nothing. You justify this irresponsible inaction, this laziness, by hallucinating the self-comforting canard that "God will take care of it. Do nothing, God will avenge."

In other words, God will enter stage right, tie up all the loose ends and deus ex machina will rule the powerful play. THIS is the mental crap that wanders around the conservative mind to "justify" the endless inaction to put out fires.

This is also why liberals and progressives are eating your lunch. They are re-writing plays in the media, in the schools and colleges. They are authoring the news, the literature, cinema and even what your preacher has to say every Sunday morning. YOU, on the other hand, sit around and wait until some real or imagined God picks up the pen.

This is what conservatives DO. Nothing. They sit there and rot while some Marxist, secular punk in Hollywood pens HIS version of reality on their suntanned face.

If none of what I have said so far bothers you, then you are not the conservative I am referring to. You are not one of THOSE conservatives. You are one of the few conservatives that knows how to POINT THE HOSE AND TURN ON THE WATER. You don't give a shit how much the water costs or who will pay for it. You know that the value of your ideals and the country that grew from them are VASTLY more valuable than 200 gallons of water. You know that if the U.S. Republic is lost, or compromised, ALL OF WESTERN CIVILIZATION IS LOST OR COMPROMISED.

Thus you are a conservative that is NOT a freaking IDIOT or a walking-MORON that hides behind a Bible.

Endless "justifications" do not apply to you. In fact you LIKE what I'm saying here. You secretly know that many of your fellow conservatives are EXACTLY as I have characterized them. You even laugh at the thought that your idiot conservative counterparts will HATE what I'm saying here. You laugh at their inability to confront TRUTH because they are COWARDS who hide, not only behind their Bibles, but behind the LIE that they have FAITH. Such do not have any FAITH because such do not REALLY believe in GOD. They're just scared and frozen and thus "believe" because that's what's expected of them. They're not real believers, for that takes guts. To have faith in the impossible-to-prove takes guts. Fake conservatives can't even turn on a fire hose yet alone believe that they could have communion with the Author of the Universe.

Thus, most conservatives, are just scared little weenies with no faith and a pretend relationship with Life and the Deity. They are so scared and ignorant of the Universe around them, all they can do is NOTHING. Sit there and be conservative, wishing and hoping that whatever dumb-windfalls the Universe gives them can be conserved for as long as possible. For they know that once their savings or energy are gone, they will die as well, having done or PROGRESSED nowhere.

And again, this is why progressives have been eating the lunch of conservatives the past 100 years: progressives are not afraid to DO something in order TO progress. Progressives are not even afraid to toss out entire systems, constitutions, governments or worlds to "progress," even it they "progress" backwards.

The U.S. Founders were ALL progressives in a sense. Jesus was a progressive too. What both said and did was radical and progressive for their time. Both the Founders and Jesus did NOT want to CONSERVE, they wanted to CHANGE the status quo. They wanted to PROGRESS.

So how can one worship progressives yet BE conservative? Here is the secret that today's pseudo-conservatives don't understand.

Once a person, nation or world has arrived at an optimum state of existence, the natural Universe REQUIRES such person, nation or world to actively MAINTAIN that state. It's not automatic. Nothing stays optimum or operational. A person, nation or world is either progressing UP or they are progressing DOWN. Rotting. Disintegrating. Eroding. Failing. Or Growing. Advancing. Rising. Flourishing. There is no such thing as a steady state where nothing changes. The Universe itself is not in a steady state. It's an explosion of energy.

The Framers of the U.S. Constitution -- having progressed the philosophical discoveries of the past millennia into the first workable system of self-government -- did NOT create a state of existence whereby people could now just sit on their asses and do NOTHING to preserve it. They took WE THE PEOPLE to a plateau that must be CONSERVED through proper progression of actions and responsibilities. These proper progressive actions and responsibilities do NOT include ignoring or invalidating the Constitution -- throwing the baby out with the bath water -- just because conservatives are now guilty of having to have to play catch up.

Yes, conservatives have to play catch up. They have luxuriated in their conservatism and inaction since at least 1913. They have allowed the house to burn almost to the ground. They thought the Universe would take care of their beautiful constitutional Republic forever -- as a reward for building it -- with no further effort on their part. They thought that, if they did nothing, they would do no harm. And the longer they DID nothing, the more they found they had to ostensibly do nothing. Soon however they saw the folly in doing nothing and eventually had to invoke FAITH that God would DO something, do it all for them. And eventually they became too cowardly to even have this faith, or even the faith that they could put out a fire without asking God to do it FOR them.

So yes, conservatives are quite fucked up. They have misinterpreted not only the very meaning of the word "conservative," but failed to provide the proper maintenance of their Republic. In all honestly, they DESERVE to lose their Republic because people get the government they deserve.

So if you're still reading, you're a conservative that may have a glimmer of hope, and God probably has faith in YOU. You weren't scared off by the explicatives I strategically peppered through out this article to weed out the easily broken glass minds -- conservatives we can do without while re-building the nation.

So what do you do? Do you start educating yourself? Do you stop reading the same three magazines you have always read. Yes, you do all of these things. You even forsake Bill O'Reilly if necessary and turn the channel to Andrew Napolitano or John Stossel, the rare voices that will show you the way out. You move a little more to a LIBERTARIAN center, getting more fiscally responsible and socially liberal, because you understand that abortion and the definition of marriage are NOT as important as a collapse of the dollar or the loss of national sovereignty. You don't abandon your socially conservative morals, you just don't allow them to corral you off to some far right fringe where you are too conservative to act or turn on the hose.

Yes, go out there and scream at that idiot that doesn't want you reading the Bible in public schools. Yes, you spit on that college professor that tries to tell you the family unit is unimportant and publicly label him the cultural Marxist he is. Yes, you refuse to watch the secular, violent crap that the New York-based media and the Hollywood-based movies incessantly spew out in the name of "the public's right to know" or "entertainment." Yes, you aggressively boycott ANY product you see advertised in the Mainstream Media, a media that has no other interest than exploiting you as an economic slave. And yes, you do the most difficult thing a conservative can possibly do: you get out your wallet out and start cutting some checks. As a conservative, you are probably rich. After all you are a master at conserving, at doing nothing, and this means spending nothing. But even more than that, you are a master at hiding money, looking poor, even registering Democrat so no one will hit you up or accuse you of being a 1-Percenter. Yes, you have volumes of "reasons" at the tip of your brain as to why you can't help out or support this or that.

And every second you continue to spew this lie, progressives are cutting checks to bury you, your children, your values and your Constitutional Republic and the presidents you have or will choose. And this is why you are stupid: you are penny-wise, but dollar-foolish. You think the Universe owes you something. You have faith the Universe will conserve your inactive way of life forever. You are also full of horseshit.

After all, while progressives were spending their money to buy up YOUR congress, media, school system, cinema and clergy and elections, YOU were sitting around spending money to eat out, paint the living room a different color, travel some more, get a new car or have your face lifted for the third time.

And if you DID support any causes, it was only those foundations or causes that your "financial planner," or your "business manager," or your blood-sucking lawyers "suggested" you contribute to. Socially acceptable charities set up by your covertly PROGRESSIVE lawyer and the PROGRESSIVE entrepreneurs that designed the foundation, trust and charity to rope in conservative suckers just like you. People that are too afraid to think or observe for themselves. People that have faith in all the wrong things.

You also believe in your banker. You have FAITH in your establishment banker even while you pretend faith in the very God that established the Universe. You will donate and invest in all the proper, conservative blue-chip places your "professionals" tell you are "socially responsible," yet you ignore the passionate, truthful patriots that are right in front of your eyes desperately trying to restore the Republic as envisioned by the Founders. You are the type that even walks by beggars in the street on your way to your posh, restaurant engagements.

And then you have the gall to call yourself a "giving Christian."


You lie about your faith in God and its creations because you are not only stingy with money and love, you are stingy with faith itself. You are a disgusting hypocrite. You are a BAD conservative, one who has taken all the good of conservatism and POISONED it with fear and ignorance: all so you can continue to live and wallow in the luxury and lifestyle you have become so accustomed to. You are every disgusting thing progressives say you are and more. You are the reason they are half-correct in their assessment of Life.


You are part of the "perjury police" that violates the right to privacy and free speech because "lies are impossible to deal with" as the conservative abortion, Ken Starr, once spewed.

So Mr. conservative, wake up and realize that you are NOT God's gift to existence and your conservative views are not part of the universal plan, a plan that requires a constant FLOW of water, energy -- and yes SEX -- to keep things from rotting, atrophying and dying.


The Founders said they wanted to create a more perfect union. They never claimed the union WAS perfect. THIS should have been a wake up call to the Conservative-mentality that: the work is NOT yet done.

This is why the Founders gave us the Amendment Process.

So if you aren't supporting, funding and financing the conservatives and libertarians that are making an effort to build "a more perfect union" through the Constitutional process provided by the Founders -- NOT SOME ROGUE POLITICAL PARTY, SUCH AS THE REPUBLICANS, THAT YOU HAPPENED TO BE INFATUATED WITH -- then you are NOT conserving the Republic. You are progressing it into doom. You are thus NOT a conservative at all, you are a closet progressive hell-bent on destruction of the union.

Worse, you are a fraud. You are an atheist screaming in the name of some God you have little faith exists. You are a poor, pathetic, apathetic worm of a citizen that does not deserve to live anywhere near this nation.

On the other hand, if none of what I state herein made you sweat or brought out any anger -- or made you laugh -- then you are most assuredly a solid good citizen, a real conservative, that will make a difference in restoring the Republic. As for the rest of you "conservatives" -- well, go fuck yourselves -- you are such strange creatures, you probably could.

Originated: 01 January 2010
Revised & Supplemented: 02 March 2012
Revised and supplemented: 08 May 2021

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